I receive thousands of emails, letters and packages from my legion of fans that reside in my imagination. Aside from fan mail, food samples and marriage proposals, a common fan mail letter goes something like this:
Dear Phillip Nom,
love adore reading about your food reviews. I mean, they make you seem so much more intelligent than you really are. I think you’d make a great husband. Apart from some grammar and spelling issues, the thing that bothers me the most is that you review way too many Japanese restaurants.
For future posts, can you please include more ‘variety’ in your blog?.
Someone good looking
Well handsome projection of my inner self-reflection, I was actually the great grandfather of Godzilla in my former life, hence my insatiable appetite for Japanese cars, electronics and food. Too bad.
In the leafy streets of Surry Hipster Hills, a new Japanese powerhouse with killer produce assembled with a modern Tokyo edge has emerged from the rubble. Amazingly, no milk crates for tables are scattered out the front and there are no living signs of hippy waitstaff wearing giant 1980′s frames and purple stovepipes. Ume is unashamedly uncluttered, uncomplicated and unhispter. That’s alot of “U’s”! When my stomach rumbled, I knew the doors to Ume had opened.
You could easily walk past Ume and dismiss it as another Asian hair salon – It just blends in like a Green Power Ranger behind a garbage bin. But once you sit down and order a few dishes from its succinct menu, the Green Ranger leaps out and slashes your tongue with amazing new tastes and textures not commonly associated with a cuisine deeply rooted in tradition. Spanking fresh scallops matched with soy butter dressing and poppin’ finger lime is rockin’, but the grilled wagyu topped with powdered wagyu fat and bottlebrush flowers (you read correctly) is as ridiculous as seeing Green Ranger at lunchtime.
If that sounds a little too out there, the chefs can do old school sushi and sashimi with the best of them. If you listen carefully, you can hear the chefs weep as you dismantle their visually stunning creations. Service is ever polite, attentive and giggly like a geisha, except there was a male waiter so he’s a MAN-GEISHA. Hmmm sexy.
So for those tired of the Nobu-esque fusion of sashimi tacos and ceviches, Ume finds and holds its own just like the Green Ranger when he was bad-ass on TV. TOMMYYYYYYY! DRAGONZORDDDD!